Anyone for Tennis ?

Do I know and do I care ?- well sort of.... I see Rudeski, Henman and Murray not forgetting the William's twins and wonder what happened to the old crowd... The ones I was forced to watch for 2 weeks every year in the summer of my youth.

Names like, Borg, MacEnroe, Billy Jean King.. Why does the tennis of that age seem so far away ? I look back to that time with grunts and failed serves as if I was looking back to the beginning of the world.. This was a time before computers and shall we say electronic lines men... Would that song chalkdust sound any different now? The balls bleep, there is no chalkdust as now we use laser lines.. It is all virtual netting, virtual grunts and groans and virtual players. And what is an Umpire ? Does she mean Cliff ?

Actually for some reason I do care about it, but not for the reasons of the game itself but for the memories it invokes.. A time of innocence, of long hot summers. Where I played in the garden hearing the sound of real people grunting their worth and the sound of the rackets and the balls colliding with such momentum that dreams where created in perfect rythm and time all whilst I beat MacEnroe on swingball.

I think of what I want and wonder if I can be brave and achieve it.
To break free and do things against the grain.
Re-invent myself and live the life I want.
and force the happiness back into my life.
To remember that I am worth all the effort
even for a minutes silence.

Does shit just happen?

I just wish that occasionally I would have the bottle to say what I really feel instead of just storing it up in some crazy place. Cos if I had the gumption I would tell my ..... what I really thought of him and for how long I have felt that way.. ( A very long time)But hey the minute he said he was happy that was when I had to back off, he had found a new love - I had my chance and blew it.. Life can stink at times.

So now I must continue on this pathetic journey without the love of my life.

Sometimes shit happens but mostly we chose it by our inability to act. A painful lesson as it takes out the probability factor of chance and just leaves the mess thats randomly left behind when shit really does happen. I feel as if I am left with the chicken - egg syndrome. Ho Hum...

Wishes

You filled my dream last night

And how happy I felt

To share it with you

To talk and hold you as you did me

But when you woke, you left me

And the sun for a brief moment refused to shine

Until I realised that what I had was mine

And that memory couldn't be taken from me.

I lived in that dream

And in the day I sleep

I can touch the stars and feel the happiness

My life starts when I am there with you.

And last night you felt the same

We both touched on truth

And both woke to the same cold sheets

That the night had made warm but for a moment.

Cinema and people

I would love to know why people go to the cinema.... Now I go for the film personally but others go for all kinds of reasons.

They go to text their mates, talk all the way through, put their feet up on the chairs and some go and sit next to you and stare at you throughout.. The last one happened today.

I took my son to see the race to witch mountain film and we are sitting down with a few seats spare either side and some girl and her mate come in late and sit down next to us. No problem so far except that I am beginning to sense she is uneasy and that her perfume is over powering luckily I don't suffer with asthma or I might have keeled over then and there. but then it begins. I have my bottle of water in the cup holder to my left and she stares at it then she stares at me and throughout the film this goes on. It is somewhat un-nerving and there is no reason why she should act like that, she has her drink in the cup holder to her left and her mate even has hers in her left one too so no it can't be the cup holder. So what gives.

She then straightens her bag out on her lap smoothing it down and with each hand movement another waft of perfume spreads out. Then I looked up at her at the same time as she looked at me and I just wished if there was something bothing her she would just come out with it. But then in a flash it came to me. Not everyone visiting the cinema is 'normal'.

Just as well really or they wouldn't have allowed me in but luckily I was accompanied by a responsible 13 year old.

Dreams

I wonder why I had a dream with Jeremy Clarkson and the dead Frankie Howard and that guy who was in love actually - Martin Freeman. Frankie Howard was spouting off Latin phrases which I knew even though I dont.. One was in truth is knowledge and the other I forget fully but it was about freedom and it was in latin again. Where's Stephen Fry when you need him he would know the meaning I am sure.

Oh well the clock is ticking louder -

8th April 2009

Random thoughts make their way out and I wonder what on earth am I doing. Blogging ? hmmmm well as they say if you can't beat them then join them.

Hopefully it will get better.